In this world, we can’t have everything forever. The things that we have, the people that we live with will one day be out of our reach. So they will always say, treasure those who are with you now. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for. Though the feeling of disappointment and sadness is inevitable, there are times where we have to experience such things. Don’t forget that the world is a cycle, at times we are up there, but at times we’re sinking down to the pits. No, we’ll never stop feeling the cycle of happiness and misery. There won’t be anyone who experiences only one side of this cycle in their entire life. It’s just the degree of how much they experience while they’re living. Some people are lucky, where their path is smooth, straight with not that much of an obstacle. But some people aren’t that lucky.

it’s my dream

My Everest

I need to do something more than just reflecting. I need to start DOING something.

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Believe it or not, my everest is to live in new zealand and have a life there. My everest has nothing to do here. Not until anyone makes me realise that there is actually something for me here.

Yes, that’s MY everest. And believe me, I’m going to work on it.

I miss blogging. I miss writing in my diary. I miss getting inspiration to write poems, or any random prose. That’s probably because my life now has no inspiration. 2 things: study and np. Only this two things. Just like adults. Family and career.

Really, I was looking into my diary and I realised my last entry was during June. Now is August. wow. And it’s such that I used to get so many inspirations because my thoughts seem to be running full time. There’s always this verbal diary in my head, citing almost every single thing that occurs to me. But now, I realised that those times are occupied for work in school, sleeping on the bus on the way home and work at home. Though it might be a little relief that those voices aren’t disturbing me much now, I do miss how it used to give me so many inspirations on so many things. It was kind of a soothing feeling.

3 days as a weekend is not long. There’s much that I need to do. And end years are probably starting near the end of next month.

OH SHHOOTTTSSS.

WE DID IT!

It’s true when they say, it’s not about reaching the peak, it’s about the climb to the peak. Look at how long it took us to achieve what we did. We’re not perfect, but I know that everyone know that we did well. Really well. Maybe it was the people around us. That made us feel proud of who we are,  that made us feel, ‘let’s show them what we’re made of’ Or maybe it was because after numerous trainings, it’s simply a must to do it right. It was THE moment. Our moment of our lives.

But look at how long it took us to finish the parade itself. Less than half an hour or so. We gave all that we had, and made sure that we won’t regret not being able to do something that we should have done.

And I have to say, I’m proud of what we achieved. hehee

Good Job guys.

Oh, I just realised. When I’m pissed, I’m real pissed. When I’m annoyed, I’m real annoyed.

I have problem dealing with anger. I don’t get angry easily, but when I do, I just burst. Like really, BURST. And by the time I burst, it’s uncontrollable. I CAN’T CONTROL IT. Adreline rush. hahh. hahh.

There’re 2 parts. One is an anger that makes me feel like crying, because I’m too angry. An emotion that makes me feel like I want that particular person to get out of my sight, go to temporary inexistance until I cool. Another is just an anger that makes me feel slightly more powerful, where my mind and body gets ready for a full blown battle. And usually, it alternates between these 2, depending on situations. Both are equally bad, I must say.

The opposite

A horrible starting day for the week. The first day of the week turns out to be horribbllee. HORIBBLE. ho-ri-ble. HOOO-RRIII-BBLLLEEE.

Tomorrow is oral. Wednesday is LC. And I think this week is very much packed for me. And perhaps for people.

I was loving life last week. And I know I am totally NOT loving life now.

Oh, guess what, we have a project to do for SEL. whattt!!!! It’s a waste of tiimmee. Please man, I have loads other work to do, and now you’re adding more work? And when we don’t finish your work, we get the consequences? What bullshit is this.

If you were to ask anyone, ‘why do you study do hard?’ Their answer will probably be, ‘because I need to get good marks’ And if you don’t get good marks, you apparently can’t have a future? Will marks actually determine everything in you life? What happened to going to school and learn something in order to survive in a better quality of life? yeah, you may get good marks, but is that data reliable enough?

The thing is, they just cramp so many stuff in our heads. Are our needs being heard of? And I’m talking about the needs of a teenager who yearns for a better life than just work work and work. No, apparently adults know better. We’re like puppets doing the things they ask us to do. If not, you know the consequences.

Double Edged Sword

PMS struck on the day I hoped to have fun. It was extreme. Really extreme. I kept snapping at everybody and everything. But can I help it?

You don’t need to ask them. Their answer will be ‘it’s all there’ Sometimes, in fact everytime, we wonder if they were plain lazy to get us a new one. And so we decided to settle on that thought.

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It was a real shopping blast. I never bought so many things in one day before. In fact I over shot my 200 bucks, and I feel so guilty about it. I’m going to pay back the amount that I over shot. Don’t worry. Because I just can’t help feeling so guilty about it. Sorry, real sorry. I’ll be more thrifty next time.

This week

The week seemed to pass slowly. Tomorrow, is finally Friday, the end of the week. For all I know, time pass so quickly and in the blink of an eye it’s already the start of a new week. I’d been coming home early, especially since I’ve been chionging home at the last bell. First to reach home, an empty house. Tell me, what could be better after a long day, and coming home to a nice cozy quiet home? And tomorrow, most probably going with sis to eat lunch together. whhoootsy! 

The week has been going well. I didn’t sleep in class so far. For all that I can remember. And that is GOOOD. Pay more attention in class, and you’ll be able to remember what you’re taught better.

Here is the case. Trying to remember what you have forgotten is much easier than trying to remember something that you don’t have a clue of. When you start to remember something to you forget, things are much more familiar and they actually fall back into place  quite easily.

But in the case where you sleep in class and don’t understand or don’t bother to learn, and when exams come around, we’ll start looking through textbooks and notes, trying to learn them all over again. It’s almost the same as not being taught about that particular lesson. And you may find that trying to remember something you have completely no clue of is so much harder.

I’m looking forward to Saturday night yeahh. It’s been such a long time since I went JB and sleeping at aunt’s house and most importantly, being in Malaysia. haha. The environment is different, the atmosphere, the people. Ahh, I’ve been stuck in my country for too long. I need to know what’s going on on the other side of the field once in a while. Mummy was saying she will give 200 RM to each of us to go shopping. That sounds GOOOODDD. And I really hope she’s going to do so. PLEEASSSE.

Just imagine, from the starting of the year, I haven’t been stepping my foot out of Singapore, not even Malaysia. Not march holidays, neither June holidays. Too busy, and too busy. (Especially June, spending near to a month mugging. Traumatic) I think this weekend is going to be great. :) Maybe short, but I need this little break for a while. 

oh, and tomorrow is triple science day!! yeah baby.

loving life right now, till next time

present state

I’m in a shock right now. For something I thought was impossible to happen.

Don’t ask what.